Stop Asking Your Boss “How Am I Doing?”: The Smart Way to Get Feedback for Yourself

Listen, I know you’re smart. You’re a high-achiever, a lifelong learner, and you genuinely want to get better. So, when you’re in a 1:1 with your boss, what do you ask?

“I want feedback; how am I doing?”

Ewww, David. Not cute. (channeling a little bit Alexis Rose, obvs.)
That vague question is a massive time-waster, and it puts your manager in a serious bind. They probably feel shock, annoyance, and the pressure to say something kind, resulting in useless platitudes like, “Keep doing what you’re doing,” or “You’re doing fine.” They don’t know what to say, so you get vague answers.

You owe it to yourself to be specific. The more thought you put into the question, the better the answer you get back, and the more impactful it is for your development.

Sidenote: If you ARE the leader who’s asked this question, stay tuned for Part 2, the Leader’s Side of this conversation!

The Smart Way to Ask for Feedback (And Get It)

Your goal is to appeal to two things: their competence and their goodwill. People love being asked for help and opinions, especially when the ask is manageable.

Here’s how to reframe your questions to get specific, helpful, and actionable advice:

1. What to Ask (Keep It Focused on Impact)

Nobody wants to tell you how you can be “better” in general. It feels too personal. Instead, keep the focus on the work and the team’s outcomes.

Instead of Asking (Vague):

“What could I do better?”
“How am I doing?”

Ask This (Specific & Impactful)

“What could I do to be more impactful for the team’s work right now?”
“What positive impact am I specifically having on our shared outcomes?”

If you ask what you could do to be more impactful, you’re asking for strategic advice on value creation, which is a great conversation for any leader to have!

2. Who to Ask (Spread the Wealth)

Your manager is rarely in your day-to-day work. Guess who is? Your colleagues, clients, and partners.

You should be getting feedback from:

• Your direct manager: Make it an item on your 1:1 agenda: “What should I start/stop/continue doing to be even more effective?”
• Colleagues you impact: Anyone you work closely with or whose outcomes depend on your effort.
• At the end of a project: Don’t wait for the annual review; solicit insights while the work is still top of mind.

3. How to Make the Ask (The Two-Part Pre-Contract)

Asking for feedback can be uncomfortable for both of you. So, set up the interaction beforehand.

Part A: The Informal Contract (Ask for Help)
Go to your colleague (in person or over chat/video, not email) and say:

“Hi _______. I’m trying to be better about soliciting real-time perspectives on my work, since my boss isn’t in my day job. Would you mind if I sent you a few questions to answer? I really value your input and would appreciate it!”

This appeals to their goodwill and sets a reasonable cadence.

Part B: The Response Rule (The Golden Rule)
When they give you the feedback, you must only say THANK YOU, or you’ll never get honest feedback again. GRATITUDE ONLY. DO NOT ARGUE OR EXPLAIN.

PS: Your manager will ask those colleagues for feedback on you at review time anyway. By collecting the insights yourself throughout the year while the work is FRESH, you not only drive your own development but you also write your own performance review better! You’ve got the data and the positive impact right in front of you.